Siblings

I grew up in a big family. I love it! To this day we still get together more often than most families do. I was always hoping for the same thing for my own family. Big family, lots of kids, instant best friends. I wanted my children to have all the wonderful memories that I have growing up. 

Kyra and Daniel have been through a lot as we all grew up together. Logan’s autism made some things difficult. We could never sit in a restaurant long. We could only see the movies Logan liked. We only watch the parts of movies that Logan wants to see. We eat what Logan likes. You get the point. Our world revolves around Logan at times.

Children who grow up with a sibling with autism can feel so many things. They can feel jealous of the amount of time you spend with the other child. They can feel discouraged because they don’t know how to play with their brother or sister. They can feel angry, protective, embarrassed and guilty. They can also be concerned about their future role. I have personally seen all of these emotions. I know how hard it is. Now that the kids are older we can speak more about it and work through some of the issues

Some things that seem to have worked for us are:

• Setting aside special time each day to spend a little time with your child or children without autism. Even if it is just bath time. 
• Listening to what your children have to say. It is important to validate how they feel.
• Making time for special activities or trips. Daniel and I spend a lot of time driving to baseball games. I am going to miss that in a couple of years. Daniel and I also like to take trips to Five Guys for his favorite meal.
• Trying to be fair. This isn’t always easy and we do have to make exceptions sometimes.
• Taking them to family counseling. Sibling relationships are already challenging enough when everyone is neurotypical. , Sometimes it helps to talk to a person outside of the family.

Even though this has been really tough on Kyra and Daniel they are very supportive of Logan. They stick up for him. I am really proud of both of them. I know it was never easy. I have always told Daniel that God gave him to me for a reason. I needed him in my life. After having Logan I wasn’t ready for more children. I can tell you the story of Daniel another day. It’s a good one for sure.