I love holidays. I love spending time with my family. I love food. Holidays are so much fun for me, or at least they were always fun.
Enter Logan. Family, food, change, overstimulation. I didn’t understand how just one day that was a little different could cause so many issues. I didn’t understand why Logan had such a hard time with it. What’s not to love about Thanksgiving? Turns out, everything.
Do you want to know how I handled that in the beginning? I would leave. Pack the kids up, get in the car, and leave. I wouldn’t say goodbye to the rest of our family. I would just make my exit. I know what you’re: how could you leave before dessert and packing up leftovers? I left because it was the easy thing to do. It was easy for me and Logan, and it also made it easier for Kyra and Daniel. I never wanted to upset the apple cart or make a scene. So, we left. I would go home. The kids would go back to their normal everyday routine. I would make another meal that Logan would actually eat and life would be normal again.
I vividly remember one year Logan was acting up while at my sister’s.. It looked like he was fooling around, but he was struggling. It was loud, there were a lot of people, and we were inside. As a joke or maybe to tease him, someone had balled up napkins and was trying to get them in his mouth while he laid on the floor. I lost it. I was really upset. So in typical Beth fashion, we left. I don’t remember if we even made it to dinner that year. I never wanted to go to another family function ever again. All I wanted to do was protect my baby from the rest of the world. The world that didn’t understand who he was. I was scared for him and his future.
Fast forward to 2020. If you asked Logan what his favorite holiday is, he would say Christmas, then Easter and Thanksgiving. His favorite part of Thanksgiving is the turkey leg. Do we dread holidays anymore? Not really. Are holidays still difficult? Sometimes, but we look forward to them now.
Below is a list of things that have worked for us:
- Prepare, prepare, prepare – I don’t mean the food. I mean for what is going to happen on the day. For instance, “Logan, we are going to go to Baba and Dido’s around 2pm. Baba is making turkey and corn. Is there something you want for dessert?” This has helped a lot. Having a plan makes the day a little bit easier.
- Bring toys/video games/books – I learned early on that Logan is not going to want to play with everyone else’s toys. He just doesn’t like them. Logan packs all this on his own now, but when he was younger I brought our entire house with us. It really helped.
- Food – Bring their favorites. If they don’t eat turkey, bring chicken nuggets. Whatever will make them feel more comfortable. We pack a snack bag for everywhere we go.
- Set expectations – I noticed that once we started giving Logan a timeframe or an expected time to leave he handled it much better and was able to manage until the time was up. When the time was up, it was time to leave.
- Know your child – I am now able to read Logan’s behaviors and know that our time is up. I try not to let it get to the point that we lose control of the situation.
- Let them know you are there for them – Take time for them. Let them know that you are there to listen and support as needed.
- Prepare family for what to expect – This may take years. Our entire family understands who Logan is and accepts that. It did take awhile, but our extended family is part of Logan’s huge support team. He loves his family and can’t wait to spend time with all of them. Even “Uncle No Fun” and “Aunt No Fun”!
I am looking forward to Thanksgiving next week, even if it will be a little less traditional!
Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths – Walt Disney
Live, Laugh, Logan 